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Random Rumblings, the Article.

(By Kingdom_of_Zito)

OMG, the thread is famous.

This might be an out of the blue reminder, but, hey, 2014 has begun!  So, by now, we hopefully have a democratic president and cars that can fly for up to 20 seconds at a time.  And, maybe, just maybe, MTV went bankrupt and.... nevermind.

The hiatus ended up making the free agency period similarly long to real life free agency.  Well, almost.  Do you suppose Generalissimo traded with himself to appease the strike 3 forum absence?  Before free agency even hit, there was a flurry of deals, and not General, but resident jack... in the box... Saber set the league ablaze with four deals.  One of which saw Richard Fischer go to the Minnesota Twins.  Say your goodbyes now cause you just know he’s going to suffer a career threatening/killing injury in Minnesota.  Joe Torre’s slightly darker looking cousin also went wayward, Joe Torres.  Two Jesus’ got moved before the free agent period as the yankees brought in Jerome Williams.  But he is coming off a big injury, so he might pitch like the ex-NBA player Jerome Williams.  Oakland acquired Jesus Maldanado as Nick tries to over come what wasn’t done for the A’s in seasons past.  Isn’t he the third or fourth GM since that lady stepped down?  Or am I thinking of Tampa?  Wait, a lady didn’t control them.  Another less than shocking trade that occurred happened with the Marlins as they acquired yet another perfectly oddly named player, this time Tagg Bozied.  Uh, tag, you’re it?

Free agency was this delightfully old, and, just old, bed of players.  But some players still got paid.  I guess sim leagues can mimick real life scenarios.  Peter Garner was A.J. Burnett and Jason Pridie wasn’t pretty.  Unless you pronounce his name Pry-dee.

Top 5 Highest Contracts-

Peter Garnet, SP, 13.5 million, Colorado

Jason Pridie, 2B, 10 million, Oakland

Kyle Sleeth, SP, 9 million, Cincinnati

Robert Roberts, SP, 7 million, San Diego

Salomon Manriquez, C, 4.6 million, Atlanta

Which basically suggests Colorado only teases the N.L. West when he says he’s going to rebuild.  You were about to jump for joy when he unloaded David Parker, but then he dropped a load (not code for anything) on a guy with a 66% groundball percentage.  Oakland is trying, and God knows they need someone to try for that club, but ten million for a career .310 OBP guy is...  a move that makes George Steinbrenner happy in the pants.  Why name your kid Robert when your last name is Roberts?  Parents, they...

Top 5 I Laughed Most When They Got Paid (I need a shorter title)-

Gerardo Demiras

One million dollars for one LOL.

Jonathan Broxton

3.25 million dollars for a 5.11 ERA, hey, it could happen if you only believe.

Roscoe Crosby

Yeah, four million for a backup quality outfielder.

Bon Washi

It’s not the dollar amount, it’s his name.  Bon Washi.  His parents were Jon Bon Jovi stoner fans.  Clearly.   Does he own an Arena League football team?

Jung Bong

What’s anything without a reference to Jung Bong?

More offseason notes:

On the 27th, Boston signed 19 guys to minor league deals.  17 of which will be cut during the 2014 season... Sherman Morrissette was released by Washington.  See, even your brother sucks at life Alanis, write an album about that...  The dodgers, coming off a 47 win season, only brought in Mark Mulder to push for a 50 win season.  That was just a little more than what the Devil Rays, 49 wins, did this offseason... I counted 21 ex-Detroit Tigers change homes...  Start marking Wayne Hage as A.L. Rookie of the Year right now, with strict competition from team mate Nick Coyle(yes, I really did cringe saying that)...  Let’s compare.  Highest team payroll: Colorado at over 95.8 million.  Lowest team payroll: Tampa with over 11.3 million.  That means six players alone make more, while another six make within less than a million.  Surprisingly, they’re only the 22nd youngest team in the league...

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